let’s do . the time warp . again .

{On boundaries, time,  and doing good juju with others.  Plus an epiphany about the value of our work.}

Throughout my 25+ year history of doing intuitive readings and my more recent years coaching, I’ve continuously circled back to an odd relationship I have with with Time.

I’ve known for ages that when I’m in – when anybody is in – the flow of things, the ability to track time in a linear fashion becomes almost non-existent.  During a session,  I’m deep in Kairos time.   (A dear human I spoke to recently made an observation that nicely summed up an experience of Kairos:  “at first, time seemed to be moving slowly, then all of the sudden it sped up and rushed by.”)

When in that all-at-once mode, I have little or no sense of linear “Earth time”  aka Chronos time.    None.  Honestly, I can be looking directly at a clock and knowing it’s “time to wrap it up,”  and still lose track and go right on over.

And not just a bit.

I’m talking (quite literally)  for 30-45 minutes more.  Ninety minutes over is a thing that has happened.  (If you’ve ever had a reading or a session or a class – hell, even a conversation! –  with me, I see you nodding.)  I cringe to admit it, but there it is.

Now, on the one hand – talk about terrific value!   Is this really a problem?  I’ve been asked, more than once.  You’re being a bit hard on yourself.

On the other hand.. boundaries.  I want to stay  aware and mindful of respecting others’ time and energy levels.  I really want to acknowledge the size and shape of the sacred space / container / imaginary realm we’ve created for this work to take place.  😉

I can go at intense levels for long periods of time, and I notice I tend to work with people who do that, too.  However, I can also go right past the edge of my energetic limits before I realize it, and it takes a lot of attention and effort to come back from that.  “Boundary slip”.  (The irony that I am teaching and modeling how to have these energetic boundaries is not lost on me.)

It finally clicked that the even the value part loses some something when energy becomes depleted, or there’s just ‘too much’  (information, energetic shifting, insight, or all of these) or even if there’s just more than what the moment is calling for.  The subtleties get lost, and that’s more than a bit of a shame.

For a long time I took efforts to push back against my nature,  even reproaching myself for having such a character flaw.  (Guess how well that worked?  A-yep!)  I know now that I was entirely missing the point.

As my awareness of my own and others’ boundaries evolved, I came to understand that the key is to accept this part of my true nature, and find ways to allow for it and work along with it.

So, conversations will go long.  (Sometimes.)  But that’s no longer something I’m going to beat myself up about.

I’ll let people know ahead  that I want to be mindful and respectful of their energy + time, while also letting them know I am capable of losing track, and that I trust and respect their sovereignty and ability to maintain for themselves (and speak up when needed.)

I’m trying out additional new ways to work that don’t set me up for a time warp situation.. early experiments with written or recorded messages – where there’s a back-and-forth, but not simultaneous, exchange of information and insight – have worked surprisingly well. (Surprising maybe only to me; I was put off by the idea not too long ago and wouldn’t have given it a chance. Interesting!)

Sitting and listening to what wants to be known, and then passing this over to the fab human I’m connecting with so they can do the same in their own time, respects boundaries and the work.

Of course there will still be real-time conversations, that doesn’t need to stop. (That may be obvious, and all the same it’s a relief to acknowledge it.)   However, allowing for some of this-AND-that?  Might just be the way to allow for my weird and precious nature, and be here-on-this-Earth-plane, too.

If you are one who struggles  grapples with  wants to find peace on Earth with your not-Earth-time nature, I see you.

whatever clockI believe we’re not alone 😉

special thanks to Donna, who upon seeing this post promptly took a photo of an actual clock on an actual wall at her house and sent it to me.  Ha!

___________

[*UPDATE, 1/20/16  – In circling back to edit this post, I received a little jolt of truth regarding how I spoke about value – particularly the value of the intangible, meaningful work that occurs in connection with one another:  In tying it to length of time spent, I was viewing “value” as a measure of quantity (and an arbitrary one at that!) rather than honoring what I consider to be the true measure, quality.

I’d have sworn up and down that to me it’s always been about the quality – about “presence, honoring, listening, compassion, and being of service in the highest good for all”..  And yet, there was the evidence that I might have been believing a bit otherwise.

If you’re reading this, I’m sure you are one who experiences  flashes of insight and knowing, or ‘loss of time’ to deep creative flow (or both) – and you’re grokking this time/value conundrum.  It’s embedded in the culture.

More to discuss!]

on right-and-perfect timing: the drop of water and the snowflake.

the single drop of water
does not in the summer say
“i must form myself into a perfect snowflake,
define my edges and my shape.”
it does not think
“i need to get myself up into the air, into a cloud – any cloud – and go there”
the snowflake that exists in the drop of water already knows the truth of its own self
the truth of perfect – right –  timing, too..
of the convergence of elements
of the rising up of all the other drops of water,
the movement toward the place where it will be released
to float gently toward its new place on the earth.

~~~
the single snowflake does not in the winter say
“a perfect drop of water i must become..”

 

Image
drops of water – transitioning – their form

are you ready to strip it off?

"Is there something sneaking up behind me?" "No, dear, just keep smiling!"

Has it been a while since you’ve loved what you’ve done with the place?

Consider this photo, if you will. Allow me to mention how accomplished and capable these individuals are: two physicists, and a famous actress! At an honors ceremony, at the Smithsonian!

But the first thing I noticed (and, I’m betting, the first thing you saw, too) was not the intended subject of the picture.

It was that wallpaper.

Eye-jarring and painful to look at. Distracting. And these fine people seem not to even notice it’s there.

Have you stopped seeing the ugly wallpaper on the walls in your life?

Have you become numb to something that just no longer works for you? Are there grungy, outdated spots in the house of your Self that you just don’t notice anymore?

When you chose that pattern it was a better idea – clean, fresh, new. In fashion. Perhaps when you started doing things “a certain way,” or relating to people, or yourself, in that particular setting, it made sense. It was right for who you were, at that time.

Wallpaper’s hard to take down once it’s up, though. When our lives or tastes or needs change, that stuff is still hanging there, getting dingy and peeling off. Getting less-than-fresh. It may seem easy to just paper over it, or paint it. Easy, but definitely not a good idea in the long run.

So, we just stop seeing the ugly wallpaper altogether.

Occasionally it’ll give us a bit of a twinge and we even consider doing some of the heavy work that’s gonna be necessary to have a calm, clear and inviting space again. A space that we feel good about sharing with others.

But we’re not ready for the heavy work, so we decide to live exist with it and say “it’s not that bad.” We stop living in that room. We stop letting others into that room.

Why?

Because we go into others’ spaces and see their ugly wallpaper, quite clearly: “holy velvet-flocked poke-in-the-eye, what were you thinking?!?” (hey, I was a kid in the 70’s – and I Have Seen It.) We know, instinctively, that if we are so distracted by the ugly stuff that we can’t see the lovely people, then… our ugly stuff is probably keeping other people from seeing the lovely us, too.

Are you trying harder and harder to get someone to see your loveliness – and can’t understand why they don’t?

Is it time to think about stripping off some wallpaper?

Yes? (“Yes.”)

That wasn’t easy, I know: my own history of “don’t go in there!!” wallpapers would’ve filled a sample book. Saying “yes” – admitting that you really do see that Something-Ugly-Right-There-Hangs – means acknowledging that there will be heavy work to come and maybe a bit of a mess during the remodeling.

Saying “yes” also does this wonderful and unexpected thing: it draws people’s eyes away from the walls. And back to lovely You.

They know that you know, and that allows you a little space to breathe. And to – gently, at your right pace – consider what comes next.

[next in this series: Should it Stay or Should It Go, Now?]