our own way: getting out of it

what wants to be known - will be shown to you on the path you're already on{{lessons learned from Reading: wisdom from life as an intuitive reader.  Everyone is my teacher.  second in a series.}}

~~ This post was first published July 2012 with the title “Your Own Way: How to Get Out of It” ~  bringin’ it back here because wisdom from Mom is timeless!~~

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Back when I was a green-newbie at the whole “doing intuitive work for other people” thing, [*cough* twentyoddsomethingyears ago] my mother told me something I now know would be one of the most useful instructions I would ever receive in my life:

“… just remember to get out of – stay out of – your own way.”

Instinctively, I got it:

I had already had the felt experience of being compelled to say certain things whenever I was working with someone, when I’d known from a place of calm what wanted to be said (though often it made little sense to me, personally!) When I followed that “compelled to say” feeling, it was always right on the mark. Made perfect sense to them. Bingo!

Always.

Intellectually, though, I’d mess it up:


At times I’d feel “compelled to say” something, then hesitate a beat too long – and those logical left-brain know-it-alls (dear things!) would rush in to edit, to make it “sound better.” And.. it would go flat, and the simple and patient bit of truth that was finding its way to flow in would, instead, flow on by. (“bye-bye!”)

To be sure, I had a perfect classroom of sorts. Nothing like immediate feedback from another person to show me – over and over again- that the calm/knowing feeling that accompanied some odd-sounding ideas was the wanted feeling. The helpful, useful, right feeling. Delicioso.

And that feedback showed me, too, that the impulse to override or think I “knew better” from a place of intellect was, while not necessarily being a wrong feeling, tinged with urgency and reactiveness and not even a bit delicious.

As I learned to notice these two distinct states – calm/knowing vs. reactive impulse – as they occurred, I realized I could choose which way to go each time. Toward “delicious,” of course!

Making the choice to follow calm/knowing is ~ us, staying out of our own way.

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{{upcoming topics: why it can be a good sign when we don’t take our own advice (!), and getting feedback when you’re the only one you have to ‘practice on’}}

send it back to solid earth.

{{lessons learned from Reading: wisdom from life as an intuitive reader.  everyone is my teacher. first in a series.}}

 

I have learned…

No matter how good the flow, or how powerful the connections made, spent energy just requires replenishment. In fact, the better we are at replenishing, the more ease and presence we’ll naturally have to sustain us (and, particularly when doing our work, to share with those around us.)

I cannot underestimate – though I often do – the real-ness and importance of grounding, clearing and cleansing. It’s really easy to overlook these intangible needs… And yet, at the end of the day of intuitive work (or weekend, as I am right now 😊) the mushiness of the brain and the difficulty forming coherent speech leaves some pretty big clues about their necessity.

In the tradition of losing the way to find the way, I’ve noticed that feeling ungrounded or even untethered shows me the value of finding my anchor again. Being properly connected helps me feel more “real,” down to earth and comfortingly present. Life is in proper perspective, and there is more ease in my connections and conversations with people around me.

Getting grounded at the beginning of the day, or before any kind of intuitive or healing practice, gives us a level, solid place that we can return to throughout the day. Keeping in touch with ourselves as we go and being mindful of our needs – physical, mental, emotional – helps us stay steady and anchored and allows us to keep moving forward, rather than becoming depleted and having to stop to regroup.

“Grounding” really is as simple as that – I think of electricity flowing through and being directed into the earth, so that it can be reabsorbed.. neutralized, in a way. Whatever rituals we have that allow us to connect with the earth, to visualize ourselves releasing excess energies, or to simply feel more connected, anchored, and present in our bodies will accomplish this.

Bare feet on solid earth. Savasana (“corpse pose”).. flat on the back in complete surrender. Visualizing the self as a tree, feet as roots deep into the ground, and arms as branches reaching to the sky, connected and thriving. Steady beat of drum, rhythm of heart, rhythm of breath. Ebb, and flow.  Allow yourself to be truly seen by wise wild creatures (and yes, those ones with whom you live.)  Dance. Be still.

A subtle, powerful benefit of maintaining good grounding is the ease with which we can deflect unnecessary or unhelpful energies and frequencies – like a screen that keeps out the insects but allows in the fresh air and sunshine. (and that is what good boundaries are about, right?)

“That which is for me shall be with me.. that which is not shall pass on by.”

Tell me, what do You do for your own grounding ~ connecting rituals?

with appreciation – Kathleen

{{next in lessons learned from Reading series: clearing and cleansing. And this classic: Getting Out of Your Own Way }}

let’s do . the time warp . again .

{On boundaries, time,  and doing good juju with others.  Plus an epiphany about the value of our work.}

Throughout my 25+ year history of doing intuitive readings and my more recent years coaching, I’ve continuously circled back to an odd relationship I have with with Time.

I’ve known for ages that when I’m in – when anybody is in – the flow of things, the ability to track time in a linear fashion becomes almost non-existent.  During a session,  I’m deep in Kairos time.   (A dear human I spoke to recently made an observation that nicely summed up an experience of Kairos:  “at first, time seemed to be moving slowly, then all of the sudden it sped up and rushed by.”)

When in that all-at-once mode, I have little or no sense of linear “Earth time”  aka Chronos time.    None.  Honestly, I can be looking directly at a clock and knowing it’s “time to wrap it up,”  and still lose track and go right on over.

And not just a bit.

I’m talking (quite literally)  for 30-45 minutes more.  Ninety minutes over is a thing that has happened.  (If you’ve ever had a reading or a session or a class – hell, even a conversation! –  with me, I see you nodding.)  I cringe to admit it, but there it is.

Now, on the one hand – talk about terrific value!   Is this really a problem?  I’ve been asked, more than once.  You’re being a bit hard on yourself.

On the other hand.. boundaries.  I want to stay  aware and mindful of respecting others’ time and energy levels.  I really want to acknowledge the size and shape of the sacred space / container / imaginary realm we’ve created for this work to take place.  😉

I can go at intense levels for long periods of time, and I notice I tend to work with people who do that, too.  However, I can also go right past the edge of my energetic limits before I realize it, and it takes a lot of attention and effort to come back from that.  “Boundary slip”.  (The irony that I am teaching and modeling how to have these energetic boundaries is not lost on me.)

It finally clicked that the even the value part loses some something when energy becomes depleted, or there’s just ‘too much’  (information, energetic shifting, insight, or all of these) or even if there’s just more than what the moment is calling for.  The subtleties get lost, and that’s more than a bit of a shame.

For a long time I took efforts to push back against my nature,  even reproaching myself for having such a character flaw.  (Guess how well that worked?  A-yep!)  I know now that I was entirely missing the point.

As my awareness of my own and others’ boundaries evolved, I came to understand that the key is to accept this part of my true nature, and find ways to allow for it and work along with it.

So, conversations will go long.  (Sometimes.)  But that’s no longer something I’m going to beat myself up about.

I’ll let people know ahead  that I want to be mindful and respectful of their energy + time, while also letting them know I am capable of losing track, and that I trust and respect their sovereignty and ability to maintain for themselves (and speak up when needed.)

I’m trying out additional new ways to work that don’t set me up for a time warp situation.. early experiments with written or recorded messages – where there’s a back-and-forth, but not simultaneous, exchange of information and insight – have worked surprisingly well. (Surprising maybe only to me; I was put off by the idea not too long ago and wouldn’t have given it a chance. Interesting!)

Sitting and listening to what wants to be known, and then passing this over to the fab human I’m connecting with so they can do the same in their own time, respects boundaries and the work.

Of course there will still be real-time conversations, that doesn’t need to stop. (That may be obvious, and all the same it’s a relief to acknowledge it.)   However, allowing for some of this-AND-that?  Might just be the way to allow for my weird and precious nature, and be here-on-this-Earth-plane, too.

If you are one who struggles  grapples with  wants to find peace on Earth with your not-Earth-time nature, I see you.

whatever clockI believe we’re not alone 😉

special thanks to Donna, who upon seeing this post promptly took a photo of an actual clock on an actual wall at her house and sent it to me.  Ha!

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[*UPDATE, 1/20/16  – In circling back to edit this post, I received a little jolt of truth regarding how I spoke about value – particularly the value of the intangible, meaningful work that occurs in connection with one another:  In tying it to length of time spent, I was viewing “value” as a measure of quantity (and an arbitrary one at that!) rather than honoring what I consider to be the true measure, quality.

I’d have sworn up and down that to me it’s always been about the quality – about “presence, honoring, listening, compassion, and being of service in the highest good for all”..  And yet, there was the evidence that I might have been believing a bit otherwise.

If you’re reading this, I’m sure you are one who experiences  flashes of insight and knowing, or ‘loss of time’ to deep creative flow (or both) – and you’re grokking this time/value conundrum.  It’s embedded in the culture.

More to discuss!]